My mom always told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. In a nutshell, this explains my long absense from blogging. It's been a tough few months. Scrap that. It's been a tough year. In my head, in my office, in my car...where my most negative thoughts seem to take place! In fact, substitute the words love for work and sister for mother in the Katy Perry song "By the Grace of God" and you pretty much have my 2013 summarized.
And it's by the grace of God that I'm finally feeling like I'm in a better head-space. That and the fact that the light at the end of the tunnel (shutdown from work) is in 4 weeks (and counting!) I've been getting back into the routines that keep me sane: morning sermon podcasts, going to cell and church regularly, giving back to those less fortunate and stopping those pesty negative thoughts when they come into my head.
There is so much that has been happening that has allowed for self doubt to creep in, self confidence to be obliterated and it's been a constant struggle to balance it all. In every exciting situation, I find the stress, am unsure, second guess myself... And this hasn't gone away but I'm really trying to remember the positives, to be excited despite all the uncertainty. It's become even more clear to me that I hate not being in control, hate not knowing what the next months bring, hate not knowing where I'll be living in 3 months time.
But it's time to cease the day, live it, enjoy it, love every moment of it. Yes the stress will come, the uncertainty remains - but in trying to approach it in a more positive manner, hopefully good things will come and the self fulfilling prophesy wheel will spin with more good fortune than bad.
